I don't See

I was not born to be that busy; I was not told to be that crazy about my work in Solar Campus; I was not prohibited to have a sleep or even nap of a reasonably long time; I was not this, I was not that. But why was I? Do I deserve? I don’t think so. Does it what I wish? I don’t know.

I appear to keep on doing something I had thought to be ridiculous and impractical. “On 9” is commonly used by me as an excellent adjective for the description on most of the persons who in many cases fail to side with my points of view. The notion that girls are “on 9” has been firmly sealed into my skull since the stunning speech about this was delivered by my social work in Form 6, which in turn has been advocated by many of my friends (that's why they're still my friends). He is fucking right. Anyway, if based on my concept of thinking in the past, what I have been doing in Solar Campus are amazingly “on 9”. Well, I forgot what I thought actually. I forgot many thing, such as my dream, my belief, my friends, as well as my personality, all of which I personally had very much appreciated for long. I am now old (but not matured) enough to think about my future, and yet nothing seems to be critical in my eyes. Money is nothing to me. What I in fact am calling for seems to be a happy life. Unfortunately, happiness is nothing less than a kind of luxury for a person like me. Friendship is the sole element I could find which is somehow able to contribute to a relatively happy life. But at this moment, even though friends don’t leave me, I do. I fail to manage the thing in front of me, or in my hands. I can't see why. I don't see either.

At night, the sky should be dark.